Title: A Jones For Trouble
Author: Jordanna Morgan (librarie@jordanna.net)
Archive Rights: Please request the author’s consent.
Rating/Warnings: G.
Characters: Edward, Alphonse, and an OC chimera.
Setting: General.
Of all the chimeras Ed had faced, this one was the most annoying.
Disclaimer: They belong to Hiromu Arakawa. I’m just playing with them.
Notes: Kristen Sharpe suggested this as a fill for the prompt word “Lever” at Fan Flashworks. I ended up going with a different story to fill the prompt, but I thought the idea was still too amusing not to write.


A Jones For Trouble


Edward Elric had encountered some nasty chimeras during his career as a State Alchemist. Sooner or later, the mad scientists he investigated usually let loose a kennel full of hideous guard-beasts that wanted to eat him, or give him a venomous bite, or just tear him to pieces. If nothing else, these creatures were the number-one reason why he kept having to replace his coat.

But of all the chimeras he had faced, this one was decidedly the most… annoying.

“You’ll never get past me to the Creator! Nothing can stop him! The Creator will crush you!”

The being from whom this crazed mantra issued forth was a human-monkey fusion: a gangly, hairy little man, with a long tail and bare feet that ended in prehensile toes. Sometime in the past, he was probably an assistant of the shady alchemist Ed was sent to take into custody—until he became a test subject instead. It was even money whether he’d been driven insane by the transmutation, or had just always been that way.

At the present moment, he was blocking Ed’s path in a corridor, bobbing around as he raised his hands and feet in various elaborate—and very bad—imitations of martial-arts movements.

Ed really didn’t have time for this.

Heaving a sigh, he clapped his hands and touched the floor. A trail of blue light raced from his fingers, and the concrete erupted beneath the monkey-man, shooting up in the shape of a square pillar that caught him and carried him skyward. In the next moment, the wildly posturing idiot was a wildly flailing idiot, pinned at the stomach between pillar and ceiling with all five limbs (tail included) dangling in midair.

I don’t like showoffs,” Ed announced sternly, and proceeded to stride past the pillar—completely ignoring the outraged, thrashing figure who continued to rain down delusional threats.

Behind him, Alphonse Elric slowly shook his helmet before clattering along in his elder sibling’s wake.

“But Brother… you are a showoff.”

© 2017 Jordanna Morgan