Title: Hands Off
Author: Jordanna Morgan (librarie@jordanna.net)
Archive Rights: Please request the authorís consent.
Rating/Warnings: G.
Characters: Jimmy (Conan).
Setting: General.
Summary: Jimmy muses on one of the more troublesome issues of having a childís body.
Disclaimer: ďDetective Conan/Case ClosedĒ belongs to Gosho Aoyama.
Notes: Written for the prompt ďNumbersĒ at Fan Flashworks. (Because Conan references weight and height. Itís kind of a stretch, but this prompt was not my friend.)

 

Hands Off

 

I swear, if I ever have a kid when I finally make it to some kind of normal adulthood, Iíll always ask him before I physically pick him up.

Yeah, it sounds silly, but thatís one of my takeaways from being a teenager in a childís bodyóbecause Iíve found out that when youíre thirty-six pounds and three feet tall on tiptoe, people have the funny idea that youíre portable. Iím always getting scooped up and manhandled. Itís one of the biggest indignities of my situation. It can also be really uncomfortable, with hands ending up in some awkward places to support my weight.

ÖOkay, so my squirming and fighting to be put down may sometimes have a lot to do with that. But still.

Getting picked up without my consent is usually just annoying, like when Richard tosses me away from a crime scene Iím trying to examine. On the other hand, my easily-handled size can be downright dangerous. More than once Iíve found myself in the grasp of a killerÖ and in those moments, having a grown-up mind doesnít help much. No matter who I really am, thereís an instinctive, terrifying feeling of helplessness about being so small and weak in the hands of someone who I know has already taken a life.

Well, at least until I remember that Iíve got Doctor Agasaís gadgets on my side. I might criticize some of the Docís lesser strokes of genius, but heís saved my life more times than I can count.

In spite of all that, though, none of those things are really the most terrible part of being small enough to tote around.

The worst part, believe it or not, is when Rachel picks me up. BecauseÖ

Because thatís the best thing as well as the worst.

Itís embarrassing to be lifted off the ground by the girl I love; but at the same time, itís wonderful. Itís wonderful to feel her hold me close, the way I wanted but never had the courage to express before I was shrunk. Itís wonderful to feel her warmth and her heartbeatÖ and even to feel the real affection she has for the little boy she thinks I am.

Yet it also hurts, because itís not the way itís supposed to be.

I should be the one who can pick her up in my arms. When her heartbeat is pressed to mine, I should feel it quicken with the different love sheís confessed she feels for my true self too.

But that isnít possible yetÖ so for now, I can only make the best of what I still have.

Thatís why, when itís Rachel who picks me up and holds me, I hold onto her tooóas tight as I can.


© 2016 Jordanna Morgan